WHERE ARE THE BENCHES?!

WANTED: BENCHES FOR SITTING

I found them... just so you know, after much ado.

After my baby jakey left the union this morning I decided that the heat was suffocating and that it would be nice to sit outside on a nice bench.

I walked outside expecting there would be one within a few feet and lo and behold, there was nothing! No benches anywhere in sight!

So instead I walked over to beaumont tower, where i knew there were benches and sat there until this next class was supposed to start.

Still, I wondered, why no benches MSU?

That was, until I wandered over to my next class (in a portion of campus that before this year I almost never went) and there they were! Little black benches scattered all over, I only wonder why this portion of campus is so special as to deserve benches and the rest does not.

Life's mysteries.

That brings me to last night:

I was up late, as you might expect, working on my paper, when CHAOS STRUCK.

Bentley ran into the dining room where I was sitting and i thought, "hmm, how strange." Then all of a sudden I saw something black go above my head-- still confused, until it came back and i realized IT WAS A FUCKING BAT!!!

Now, for those of you who don't know, I don't have the best history with bats. I pretty much have three experiences:

1) I was babysitting my mom's boyfriends house (and dog), on christmas when a bat flew through the room, I successfully locked it in the bathroom, where it died. My mother had to come get it the next day... i did not sleep that night.

2) I met the love of my life, someone just as scared of bats as I am, go figure. And so we're living up north this summer in the basement... it's the middle of the night and our kittens start meeeeooooowing like crazy. We wake up and are like, "WHAT THE FUCK, CATS!!!!??? shut up!" When we notice something hanging from the ceiling... a bat. Fuck. Jake screams and runs out of the room, slams the door with me and the cats locked in. So much for chivalry and valiance. douche. Just kidding. Anyway, I don't know how I got out, but it was very scary.

3) Last night, upon realizing that it was a bat I was left with a few choices. 1, man up and figure out how to get the bat outside. 2, run out of the room screaming. 3, hide under the table... It was a tough call in between the last two. So it's 1am, Jake is asleep on the couch, I after a moment of hesitation, run out of the room screaming like a bitch. We both freak out as usual, and I tell him to go let it out. So he runs (with a blanket over his head) towards the front door, where the bat "attacks him" so he cannot let it out. After much more screaming, the bat started flying into the living room where I was, and so I was forced to "hit the deck" and cover myself with a blanket. After a few more moments of terror, I crawled, covered by my blanket into the bedroom and shut the door.

After rousting his parents, Tom came down and netted the bat in a few seconds, put it outside, and told us we were idiots.

This is why I love jake so much.

We spent the next five minutes laughing hysterically, practically crying, and recalling our brush with death... er, the bat.

Allow me to give you a visual aid:

This is what I think all bats look like:

This is a vampire bat, they feed on the blood of horses and cows. They transmit diseases when they attach themselves to the animal for THIRTY MINUTES!!!! ouch. They have also been known, in more rare circumstances to feed on humans.

fortunately, they only live in south america and some of mexico.

phew.

This is what my bats have probably looked like:

Alright, the ears are a little bit smaller, and wiki tells me that these little suckers (BA HAH!) do not feed on humans or animal blood, but only eat insects.

REGARDLESS! I do not see much difference in their appearance and i am  DEFINITELY scared shitless of both of them.

So vampire or not, fuck bats.